v-day failures

msn.com reader-submitted cheesiest valentine's day gifts: 


"How about a stuffed animal that dances to "Crank That (Soulja Boy)"? The dancing really upped the cheese factor." 


--i don't think i would be that upset with a bear that could rap. 


"My ex kept hinting about this awesome surprise he had for Valentine's Day. Then he took me to Safeway and bought me a red mug that said 'Kiss.' Score!" 


--substitute duane reade for safeway and it's still an awful attempt.


"I got a poem from an ex boyfriend where he went on and on about how beautiful my black hair was, and how he could look into my brown eyes for all of eternity. Too bad my hair is brown, and my eyes are blue." 


--probably meant for his side-chick. sorry sister.

i survived

good news. we all made it through the weekend and the single-digit temperatues. i didn't fall one time while skiing...our goal was to make the mountain says 'uhhhh' (na-na na-na), and that totally happened. fabulous weekend.  

road trippppp

 

this weekend we are staying in a cabin in vermont! hopefully it's as precious as this one.

 

i'm not a very stable walker on flat surfaces, so imagine me with skis on. i have skied before, but hopefully i don't end up in that position. yikes.

 

margaret, however, has never skied before. and she's afraid of heights, like i am. i'm keeping my fingers crossed she doesn't freak out on the ski lift and find herself in a situation similar to that fellow. hahahaha. 

should be an interesting weekend!

wahhhhh

 

my friend sara, seagy's roommate, sent me this crying obama this morning. he's crying because everyone just realized he isn't Jesus (duhhh) and are starting to vote the republicans back in office. take jt and 50's advice and cry me a river.

the eyes of the ranger are upon you

 

my dad used to make us watch 'walker, texas ranger' starring chuck norris. if you go to google, type 'where is chuck norris' and then click 'i'm feeling lucky' the above picture is the result. the show's theme song is so accurate, here's a bit of it, just for you:

"cause the eye's of the ranger are upon you, anything you do he's gonna seeee. when you're in Texas look behind you, cause that's where the ranger's gonna be."

all from memory. awesome? yes.

guest blogger : bff melly

Hail Halo!

Put those halos away and get out the devil ears girls, this sorostitute has lost her damn mind. The PiPhi prez at Cornell decided she was Hitler and made a list of "Do's and Don'ts" for rush attire. I mean I know in our sorority we regulate some fashion-challenged sisters. But this little list is just unreal. 

Just a few things that caught my eye: 

- "Booties ok if you can pull them off, aka probably not." - 

 

Ummm I like booties, and most peeps can pull them off. 

 

- When referring to wearing jeggings, "NO cameltoe".

 

I mean I would hope any girl in your sorority would make the conscious decision to wear something that doesn't give you cameltoe. Otherwise, she should not be in your sorority. Jesus.

 

- The whole "Business Casual attire" day kinda blew my mind. I'm pretty sure if some girl showed up at our house in slacks and a blouse and stockings as socks, we'd be a little worried about her sexual orientation and to the basement she'd go.

 

-And last but certainly not least, my all time personal fav - 

 

- Shoes don't - NO "F*ck me pumps". Classy lady this president. Classy lady.

Take a little looksy at the rest of your list. I'm sure you'll be as baffled as we all are. I wonder what pi phi hitler would have to say about those swimsuits. certainly not angel-like.

You go angel. You go.

twitterrrrrr

so i've been tweeting a lot lately, like a lot. one day i saw a spanx tweet--i like to use my twitter to tweet funny things to my friends, especially seagren. that's exactly what happened with spanx, it read something like this: "i know how much @seagren and @halleykt loveeee @spanxinc." well, spanx saw my tweet and today, i received this:

  

"SPANX Swimsuits launched this weekend- check them out now @a_bowles @seagren & @halleykt! Hope you love :) http://budurl.com/slimswim"

Spanx tweeted us!! and the swimsuits are super cute too. maybe they'll send me one for free!

c-u-p cakes! cakes! cakes!

crumbs cupcake shop decided to support the j-e-t-s by making these super festive cupcakes. i guess they feel like the jets will probably never make it this far in the playoffs for another 20 years. big poppa was surprised with one of these gems, i hope he liked it!!

cookiesssssss

i ran into the cookie monster on the sidewalk! nomnomnomnom

ultimate revenge

Oracle president, charles phillips, had an 8.5 year affair with yavaughnie wilkins while he was married to another woman. someone decided to 'blow up' this affair on billboards in new york and los angeles to broadcast his infidelity. although no one is taking responsibility for creating the billboards, i'd bet my money on the ex-wife. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. right? you go girl.

hugs

i told someone i needed a hug, and this is what i got. they're so cuddly, i'll definitely take it. 

scary

my sweet sister haley made this ginger picture for me. i dont know why, but i really don't care for gingers, the exception being the few gingys that i am friends with (seagy). haley's art project is really creepy...what's with the pet spider monkey? is it the gingy ashley's monkey butler?

huge crowds---not! see ya j-e-t-s

pandaaasss

mediabistro posted an article on twitter from the oatmeal,  "10 words you need to know how to spell" and it turned out to be pretty artsy and creative. my favorite, of course, is the panda illustration. 

almost as good as j-shore

A Masshole is a resident of Massachusetts—though sometimes Rhode Island, New Hampshire, or Maine—who possesses a nearly carnal love for the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics, and Bruins; operates motor vehicles in an aggressive fashion; drinks Sam Adams; and overuses the adjective wicked.

oh my. i think mtv should capitalize on this idea from slate.com . i have the perfect masshole in mind. i think he'll be wicked excited to join the show. it beats studying for finance regulatory exams.

uh-oh

i don't take the blame for this. i didn't blow up twitter until 9:30pm, after my 4th free hot dog.

gross

bad word choice msn.com. creamy is soooo grosssss.

wait? walk?

listen, you'll never meet anyone as street cautious as me. i don't know if this is the new 'trend' in streetwalking or a nyc glitch, but it's got to go. i need some clarity when it comes to taking my life in my hands and crossing the street. fo realz.

date: fail

ibs makes a man creative i suppose. poor amanda.

golden globes

olivia wilde. probably my favorite golden globes dress this year.

gross

sick. this animal was found dead in a neighboring town of mine. of course everyone thought they had struck Texas gold and had found the mythical chupacabra. wrong.

"A biologist with Texas Parks and Wildlife Department confirmed this morning that the Runaway Bay chupacabra is a hairless raccoon."

heart attacks all day long

yep, this is a pug puppy cam. and yes, i suffered several cuteness heart attacks alllll day long. so unbelievably precious. 

Watch live video from brendypugs's channel on Justin.tv

back to school, back to school

tomorrow is haley's first day of skool...good luck!!!

en france

seagren's sweet sister, haley, is studying abroad in bordeaux, france this semester. these a pictures of her precious apartment and street. so rustic and adorable! we can't wait to see more pictures of her french adventure!

**she's supposed to be bringing us 'coke light' which is apparently wayyyy better than diet coke. i hope her customs smuggle works!

oh heidi

10 procedures in 1 day. butt implants, chin, brow lift, boobs, nose, botox, lipo, etc. girlfriend, take it easy.

redneck law & order

600 block of Mesa Ridge Drive – A girl and her stepbrother were pushing each other. They were separated for the evening.


100 block of PR 4439 – A woman punched her husband in the mouth because he wanted to take their kids hunting. He decided not to press charges.


--this is why i have a blog. outrageous.


300 block of CR 3661 - A man believed someone shot and killed his donkey. Deputy found no bullet holes.


100 block of Legendary Court – A husband and wife were involved “in a mutual combat situation yesterday.”


--did they play too much 'mortal combat?'


300 block of New Field Lane – Man reported his neighbors were driving along the fence line spooking his cattle, cussing at him and shooting him “the bird.”

bad move e*trade

old baby (super cute)

new baby (not cute)

e*trade didn't record enough footage with their previous baby spokesperson and like babies do, he grew up and out of his cuteness. e*trade replaced him with an even less cute baby. the new kid kind of creeps me out for some reason. bad call.

just like mama's

i love mama's food shop in the east village--it's very down-home, country food. no one would go with me tonight for dinner so i decided to create my own mama's meal. last time i went (it's also byob) i had the most delicious roasted brussel sprouts--so, as you can see, my attempt to roast veggies was a success!! i promise it tastes really good too, better than it looks in the picture. : )

hooray!!

i got my first 2 placements today!! i sent out my 2nd press release since working and it makes finance pr wayyy more thrilling when stories get published!! woooooo. very niceeee.

good deed of the day.

90999 "Haiti"

I texted 90999 and the word "Haiti" today and donated $10 to the Red Cross relief fund. The money is automatically added to your phone bill--and really, it's only $10. I felt bad since Haiti was already a poor, impoverished country and then they get rocked, literally, by a massive earthquake. sad. 

I saw this happening on twitter, of course, and as of this morning tweeters had raised over $3 million! 

run this town

jack's back.

jersey shore

so, i overslept this morning. instead of waking up at 7:15, it was really 7:50. yikes. what was the reason for my excessive slumber? well, it was actually the cast of jersey shore's fault. i was caught in the middle of a dream about picking teams for flag football for a j-e-t-s tailgate party at the stadium. and who was i choosing? the cast of the jersey shore. so incredibly terrible. but at least the situation, ronnie and sammi didn't make the cut.

fist pumpin' like champssssss!!!!!!!!

daily dixie

look who took a bath! sweet dixie was running around the house being a (hyper) naked puggy while her sweater was being washed. she looks so weird without clothes on!

now it makes sense...

tom brady must have been spending too much time with his girly dog and as a result, rolled over and died during sunday's game against baltimore. gisele must rule that house with more than just a brazilian iron fist. aye aye!

zoom zoom

i wouldn't mind riding around the city in this car. especially if i got to push a button to let the roof on the 'lac down. (t.i., duhhhh)

walk the line

i'm watching walk the line right now on tv since gossip girl decided to take the longest break everrrrrr. one of my favorite lines from the movie is when johnny cash is asking june to marry him for the 50th time, at 2am, on a tour bus. her answer? "rule #1 never ask a girl to marry you on a tour bus, and #2 never say it was because you had a bad dream!" such a good movie.

location, location, location

alabama chose to display their national championship trophy at wal-mart. redneck? yes. of course they thought it was a great idea, but now that the rest of the country has found out, they seem to be a little upset about their redneck charades. boo hoo bumpkins.

let's plan!

i can't tell you how much i love planners. it's hard to tell in the picture, but this year's edition not only matches my current nail polish, but is also patent! this little book has all the information you'll ever need: dept. of tourism phone #'s, weight conversions, airline information, travel distance, holidays, foreign embassies, and area codes--just to name a few super cool things. i can't wait to fill it up with activities and post it notes!! bring it on 2010.

got any friends?

we're looking for a roommate. as far as we can tell we've exhausted all resources but the dreaded craigslist. are any of you hiding any potential roommates? all thats required is a non-criminal background/interest in committing a crime (particulary against me), cat hater, tivo enthusiast, and doesn't eat smelly indian food. i never remember those 'friends' above having problems finding roommates--and they only knew each other. once again, tv distorts my reality. bummer dude.

looney tunes

 the sad looney tunes dog.

vanity fair

vanity fair is easily my third favorite magazine, behind the week and glamour, of course. as you can see, tiger is featured on the cover this month looking like his former bad-ass self. it's impeccable timing, really. well done vanity fair.

yo brotha'

these two brothers are having to split up because they are reaching their maturity and the zoo keepers are afraid these two brothers might try to mate with each other. incest is gross, but their trunk kisses are sweet.